Far Away

Buffy/Xander

Spoilers: Everything, several years post Chosen and post NFA.

Summary: Buffy and Xander reevaluate their feelings for each other.

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, no infringement etc. Also the song (Far Away) does not belong to me, it belongs to Nickelback.

Distribution: Want, take, have; just let me know

Warning: Angst, mentions of character deaths.

Author’s Notes: I wrote the climatic scene first and then worked my way up to it. And no, this is *not* a songfic. Song lyrics in italics.

Exhausted and sad from yet another unsuccessful trip, Xander unlocked the door to his hotel room. Yet another girl dead, killed by a family who didn’t understand what had happened when she’d been activated. Closing the door and slumping against it, he was surprised by the ring of his cell phone. How the hell could a signal get through all the way out here? He was too tired to care, pulling the phone from his pocket and answering.

“Hello?”

“Xander? Oh cool, it worked.”

“Willow? What worked?”

“Oh, I used magic to boost the signal so I could call you. I really needed to talk.”

“Okay, so you got me. What’s the what?”

“It’s me and Kennedy. We broke up. For good this time.”

Xander sighed, and then realized that it was almost exactly a year since Sunnydale. He was surprised they’d lasted this long, if it was for real.

“Will, are you sure? How do you know this won’t be like the last fifty times and she’ll be back in your arms in the morning?”

“Cause she left for Cleveland this morning.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Yeah. It’s okay. I just….I need to talk to someone. I miss having you guys around, miss seeing you every day.”

“I miss you too, Will.” He sat down on the bed after shedding his jacket. “So why me? Why not Buffy?”

“Oh, she’s on some mission for Giles, couldn’t be disturbed. So I traced you and used magic so I could talk to my Xander.”

“Oh. So Buffy’s not in Rome?”

“I think she is. She’s just not available. Xand?”

“Yeah, Will?”

“Describe where you are for me.”

“What?” He rubbed his head, trying to banish the start of a headache.

“Give me a detailed description of where you are now.”

“Why? What are you planning?”

“Xander, you may not see it, but resolve face. Just do it. Please?”

He sighed. He never could say no to her, to any of his female friends. He began describing everything in perfect detail, from the ugly beige carpet to the peeling wallpaper. The thing about having only one eye was you saw everything, made note of minute details. Before he finished, he heard Willow say stop. He was about to ask why when there was a loud POP! Next thing Xander knew, he was being tackled and hugged by someone, by Willow.

“You’re here. Why are you here?” he asked as he pulled back, smiling.

“I decided that a phone talk wasn’t enough. I needed face to face time with you. So here I am. Surprise!”

“Yeah, surprise. Have you eaten?”

“No, let’s go out; have ourselves a good dinner and a good gossip.”

Willow was happy enough with the restaurant at the hotel. He ordered a beer, she got some fruity concoction. After they’d ordered food, she launched into a long babble about the rest of the gang. Faith and Robin were handling the new Hellmouth well they’d be grateful for the addition of Kennedy to their small group. Rumor was that Faith was knocked up, but everyone was being tightlipped, no need to invite trouble.

Giles was dating again. That Olivia woman had come back into his life. Willow said they made a cute couple. Andrew had finally come out, no surprise there. Dawn was seeing some painter who Will claimed was not good enough for her, but then would any man be for the girl who was like a younger sister to them all? Xander noticed that there was deliberate avoidance of Buffy’s love life. It didn’t matter; he’d heard some things on his few trips back to London.

Willow then launched into an account of an apocalypse in LA, one that Giles had refused to let any of them be involved in, one involving Angel and company. This had happened only a few weeks ago, which would explain some of the visions the local shamans had been telling him about. They still didn’t know who had survived, but obviously evil hadn’t prevailed because they were sitting there talking about it. She ordered another fruity concoction while he nursed his beer.

The food arrived, but Willow hardly ate. She just kept babbling, this time about Kennedy. Every little fight they’d had, all the things that made them different. He just let her go on. Better that she babble than try and do something like the last two times her serious relationships had ended.

Another drink was ordered.

“Hey, Will, shouldn’t you slow down?”

“Nonsense, these things have like no alcohol,” she scoffed.

He was about to protest, but she’d launched into another speech, this one comparing Kennedy to Tara. Two drinks later and Willow was turning maudlin, reminiscing about Tara. All Xander could do was hold her hand and listen.

“You know who I miss?” she asked, slurring her words and swaying a little.

“Who, Will?”

“Oz. Things were so much simpler when I was with Oz.”

“Will, our lives were never simple.”

She ignored his comment. “I still love him you know. I mean I love Tara, I always will, but I love Oz too, in a different way. I should look for him.”

“Um, I thought you were gay.”

“Pffft, bisexual. Never really cared for labels. Don’t you remember Giles at the Pump and me with the drooling?”

“Please, Willow, I don’t need to go there again.”

“I’m going to find him,” she declared, downing the last of her drink.

“Giles?”

“No, silly. Oz. See if the spark is still there.”

“You go for it. One of us should be happy.”

She turned to him, her gaze sharp and long. He turned away, concentrating on the last dregs of his beer.

“You should be happy too, Xander. You should go to Rome, find Buffy and tell her you love her.”

With that statement, Willow promptly fell over into her food. Xander checked her pulse, still going steady. She’d just passed out. He’d had been a bit surprised that Willow had known how he still felt about Buffy. He’d thought he’d kept it so well hidden, but obviously not to the person he’d known his whole life, not to his Willow. He carried her back to the hotel; let her sleep in the bed while he took the chair. In the morning all Will remembered was her desire to search for Oz. So with a hug and a thank you, she’d popped out of his life again, literally.

But he thought about what she’d said about Buffy. Ah, Buffy Summers, he’d either be dead or a vampire if she hadn’t come into his life. He also could have been spared a lot of heartache. But if given the chance to do it all over again, he wouldn’t change a thing. Xander wasn’t sure if life would have been worth living without Buffy.

“Xander? Damn, I hate voice mail. Anyway, I just wanted to check in with you. I know I’ve been off the radar for six months now, but it’s all for a good reason. I think I found him, Xand. Oz. I don’t want to jinx anything, but maybe soon I’ll have good news. I just wanted to let you know I was okay. Oh, and Giles wanted me to let you know he was sorry you couldn’t make his wedding. Can you believe Giles is married now? I gotta go now. Take care of yourself Xand. I miss you. Bye!”

Falling, someone was falling. Screams, not heard, but in his head. A broken body, so little blood. Claws, more screams, his among them. A sword, a demon, blood. So much blood. Tears, hot against his cheek. Another scream.

Xander sat up, the last vestiges of his dream fading as he tried to slow his breathing. He hadn’t had a nightmare like that in almost eight months. Was it really that long ago? He used a corner of the sheet to wipe his face. It had to have been the invitation, the dwelling on things past that brought it on.

The first part was all too familiar, Buffy’s second death. The one where he didn’t save her couldn’t save her. He had that dream that entire summer, Anya always waking him, telling him it would be okay. But it never was he would always wonder what if. Giles had told him it wasn’t the fall that had killed Buffy, but rather her journey through the portal. But part of Xander had refused to believe that, had continued to conjure scenarios where he didn’t have Anya in his arms and he caught Buffy.

The second part of the dream was something he’d thought he’d put past him. The loss of his Slayer. Well, she hadn’t actually been *his* Slayer, but it had felt like it. He’d met Mary in a small town; she was the daughter of the local butcher, her family somewhat well off. He’d explained what had happened, about Slayers and evil and they hadn’t wigged or chased him off. In fact they seemed quite happy that Mary would have a better future than marrying some chieftain’s son.

Xander was to watch over her for a few weeks while arrangements were made to send her to England. He’d shown her some basic moves, taken her out for her first kill. This what Giles must have felt with Buffy. When Mary was ready, Xander was going to ask to be assigned to her, no more traveling the wilds, let someone else do that. He thought he’d finally found something a purpose.

Until that night. It was supposed to have been a routine patrol. He was going to show Mary how to use a sword for decapitation. Then the demon had appeared from nowhere. He couldn’t remember the species. All there was were images of the beast knocking the sword from Mary’s hand, its claws ripping into her.

He’d stood frozen until her scream reached his brain. He’d given a yell of his own, grabbing the sword, attacking the demon. He didn’t stop until it was in pieces all over the cemetery. Mary’s groan brought him back to the present. So much blood, too much. She’d died in his arms, her last words to him, “It wasn’t your fault.”

It was then that he finally let loose his emotions. A primal scream of rage and anguish, hot tears on his face. He’d taken her back to the hotel, set her body on his bed. A call to Giles and then nothing. Which is how he’d ended up here, in a Council run facility in Johannesburg. That had been three months ago. They were making noises about letting him return to duty. The doctors wanted him to take pills to stop the dreams, but he wasn’t sure. All he wanted to do was go on with his life, forget by working.

Buffy,

How’s Rome? How’s Tal? Dawn? Things here are going well. Tibet is interesting. Oz and I are really connecting again, it’s cool. I hate that these postcards are so small. Anyway, hope to hear from you soon. Give Dawn my love and tell her no guy is good enough for her, okay?

Love Willow

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She’d run as far as she could from that crater, ended up in Rome. Once Dawn was settled she’d gone overboard with the trying to live a normal life. Somehow that had meant dating the undead again. Not that she’d known he was undead at first.

Tal had seemed normal, heartbeat and all. He claimed that ‘the Immortal’ was just some silly nickname he’d come up with years ago to impress women. Well, she’d fallen for it, but he hadn’t been the only one keeping secrets, as far as he had known, she was just an ordinary girl. She tore off the necklace he had given her, a token of his affection. Yeah right.

Her illusions about him had all burst tonight. They’d been at the club, enjoying the music when they’d suddenly been surrounded. They’d tried to kill him, guns at the ready. She’d instantly gone right back into Slayer mode, but she hadn’t been fast enough. Buffy had taken the assassins down, turning to see where Tal had fallen. But he hadn’t. He was still standing, holes in his flesh, but no blood.

What had followed was a lot of shouting and throwing. Then she’d stormed out of the club and gone home. No wonder she hadn’t run into anything the few times she’d gone out on patrol. He’d made Rome his town, kept the undesirable element to a minimum. Why hadn’t she been able to tell he wasn’t human? She needed to get back in touch with her abilities, her Slayer senses had dulled, let her down. There was only one person who she could turn to, Giles, which is how she’d ended up on a Council jet winging her way to London within hours. When they landed, she was pleasantly surprised to see Giles waiting for her.

“How was your flight?”

“Let’s not do the idle chit chat, Giles. We’re past that I think, don’t you?”

“Yes, indeed.”

She could tell that he was itching to take off his glasses and polish them. Except that he wasn’t wearing any. Olivia had convinced him to get that laser surgery not so long ago.

“Have you eaten?”

“Giles, I came here for a reason.”

“And you can tell me that reason over dinner.”

He gave her a look and she relented. She could feel the small tug of the Watcher/Slayer bond they still shared and started to smile, but caught herself. Until she saw the barest hint of one tugging at the corners of Giles’ mouth and they both burst out laughing.

He took her to a small Thai place, they sat in the corner. She told him about the Immortal, about how she felt her Slayer senses had betrayed her. He went on about possible theories, something to do with Willow’s spell and the spreading of the power. But Buffy knew he was doing it all for her benefit. They both knew it was from her not being out there, not doing her ‘sacred duty’.

So over dinner she convinced him to let her move to London for a few months, train her again. He would do it personally, not pass if off to some baby Watcher. He owed her that much. They talked of other things, of Willow doing well, wherever she was, of Faith and Robin and their impending parenthood, again. They avoided the subject of Xander, and Buffy wondered why. She heard some news from Dawn, when he sent e-mail, so she knew he was okay.

Then Giles gave her news of someone they long thought dead, Spike. Somehow he’d been trapped in the amulet and delivered to Angel. Andrew had known and Giles couldn’t wait to give the trainee Watcher a good long lecture. Spike had fought with Angel at the end. Cordy had slipped away a few months ago. Wesley died in the battle. Buffy felt a quick tug of guilt and sadness for him. Angel, Spike and some god king had survived, with both vampires decidedly human again.

“Spike and Illyria are now working for the Watcher’s Council. He’s in town if you’d like to see him,” Giles offered.

“No. Been there, moved on. Angel?”

“Happily married to a werewolf apparently. And expecting his second child.”

“Second?”

“Oh, yes. He has a teenage son, by Darla.”

“And strangely I am not wigged by that statement. Though I’ll probably ask for details when I’m less jet lagged.”

The rest of the meal went quietly. Giles talked about his everyday life, how happy he was with Olivia, how the Council was running, how the training of new Slayers and Watchers was going. Buffy smiled, but let out a small sigh.

“Is everything okay, Buffy?”

“Hmmm, oh, yeah. I just miss how things used to be.”

“You mean constant impending doom and near death every day?”

“No, well, yeah, maybe. I meant I miss the stuff after that. Talking to Willow, joking with Xander, snarking by Cordelia. I think I even miss your ‘the Earth is older than you know’ speech.”

“I still give that, every month to the Watcher trainees. I have to give it tomorrow in fact, you could come and ….”

“Giles.”

“Oh, right, sorry.

There was an awkward beat of silence. Buffy was about to suggest they leave when Giles spoke again.

“Why don’t you call them? Willow and Xander?”

“Because Willow is out in the middle of nowhere without a phone. And I don’t have Xander’s number.”

“I can give it to you. I can tell you miss him.”

“I wouldn’t know what to say. It’s just….”

“I understand. Let me know if you change your mind.”

She just nodded and Giles signaled for the check. On the way to Headquarters she kept thinking about his offer. But really what could she say to Xander? How would they start that conversation?

Once in her apartment, one Giles always kept for her, she continued to think. Of all the men in her life, Xander was the one who hadn’t left, who’d stayed. Her dad, Angel, Riley, Spike, hell even Giles, they’d all left, supposedly for her sake. But not Xander. He’d been there, always through every fight, every relationship, even when she’d scorned him, he was there. He’d fought with her, comforted her, questioned her taste in men, but he’d never left her. He’d just been Xander.

Buffy,

He asked me! I said yes! More details in a few weeks.

Love Willow

A punch thrown, Giles out cold, Miss Calendar worried. Following that stupid kid. A bolt not hitting its mark. Not moving, wanting to. Pain, sharp, hot. Life draining from her. Hitting the water. Nothing. Coughing, a hand on her forehead. Looking into the eyes of her best friend.

Buffy turned over, blinking, wondering why she’d dreamt of her first, brief, death. Being here in England and training again might have had something to do with it. Reconnecting with her Slayer abilities was hard work. Mostly because any time she and Giles were working a crowd gathered. Word had spread quickly that The Slayer was there. Buffy knew it didn’t matter how many Slayers had been called, she would always be The Slayer, capitalization implied. It got applied to all the Scoobies. Giles was The Watcher, Willow was The Witch and Xander, somehow he’d acquired the nickname of The White Knight. She vaguely recalled something Willow had told her about Angelus and a confrontation in the hospital that time she’d been sick. But it didn’t matter, it seemed to fit.

Maybe she’d had the dream because Xander had been mentioned today. A new Slayer had arrived today from Africa, found by him. There were talks of him fighting off lions, dodging bullets, facing down tribal chieftains to find activated Slayers. She knew it was all exaggeration; they did the same about all of her fights and battles.

But she did wonder how he was doing. Why he’d chosen Africa or if he that’s what he’d chosen at all. There was talk of an incident, but no one knew what or how or any details, it was all very hush hush. Buffy wondered if this was another tall tale, something to impress the new trainees. Maybe she would have to do some digging, make some inquires of her own. It would have to wait, she had another session and patrol later on.

You are cordially invited to the commitment ceremony of Willow Rosenberg and Daniel Osbourne on October 31^st in London, England. The event is being held by Mr. and Mrs. Rupert Giles. Reception to follow. RSVP

Xander traced a finger over the smooth cream invitation. She’d done it. Willow had actually gone and done it. He smiled, he always knew she would. He remembered the day she’d made her plan. That was the day Willow had told him to go after Buffy, reveal his feelings for her.

He did love her, always had, always would, it just wasn’t meant to be, that’s all. After Sunnydale, he’d gone with Giles to England. He’d undergone some basic training and left for Africa to find newly activated Slayers. He’d get postcards from Will, the occasional e-mail from Dawn, but nothing from Buffy.

Last he’d heard she was once again dating the undead. Typical. Give her the choice of dark, dangerous and dead or someone living who would worship the ground she walked on and guess which door Buffy picked. She was living the high life in Rome, doing some Slaying but basically partying the days and nights away.

Xander knew she deserved some respite from the daily grind of evil hunting, she’d never wanted that life, she’d been Chosen for it. But this was a little too much. When did he get to party? When did Willow get to go to fancy places? When was the last time Giles had gotten away from his desk? Yes he was bitter; he had every right to be. Yet he still loved her, couldn’t help but love her.

Xander sighed, eyes closed in frustration. He’d go of course. How could he not? It was Willow’s big day. She’d curse him to hell and back if he didn’t come. He’d show up late, probably skip the reception. Then he wouldn’t have to see Buffy. No need to give himself more problems than he needed. Then he’d come back, continue his search, forget that there was ever anything else in his life, and forget the pain, the deaths, and the screams. Or at least he would try.

Buffy,

Well, it’s all set, you just have to be there. October 31^st, London. You will be there, maid of honor. No protesting, resolve face. Giles knows all of the details. And don’t worry, I won’t make you wear green, I promise. See you in a few months.

Love Willow

Buffy put the invitation down on the table. Life sucked. Yeah, she was happy for her best friend, but being the last single person in the group was no fun. No, wait, there was still Xander unless something had changed that she didn’t know about.

She knew he was still in Africa and that there had been some incident a year ago. She’d almost gone to visit him, but Giles had suggested it wasn’t a good idea. When she’d done her own investigating into it she’d gotten the feeling it was Slayer related and she wasn’t the person Xander would want to see right then. Besides, he was always moving, she’d have no idea as to where he was.

Buffy missed him, she realized. He’d been there for seven years of her life and then nothing. She’d never thought about it at first, she’d been too caught up in her own life. She realized that most of all during her time in London, when she and Giles had gone patrolling. She missed his witty banter, helping him up afterwards.

Xander never had been. He’d just fought by her side, didn’t matter that he was an ordinary guy. They’d drifted apart those last few months in Sunnydale. She felt guilty about his eye, but never said anything, there hadn’t been time. She’d never told him how much his friendship meant to her, how much she admired him. He’d saved the world, he’d saved her and she’d never thanked him.

Buffy got up, went to the bedroom. She opened a drawer, pulled out a picture frame. It was a photo of her, Will and Xand in happier times. She’d managed to save it before the end. They all looked so innocent. She traced a finger over Xander’s face. She missed his smile, his laugh, and his corny jokes.

She brushed a tear from her cheek. She was getting sentimental. Putting away the picture, she returned to the living room, picking up the invitation she wondered if Xander would go. How could he not? She had to go; she was Willow’s maid of honor. Buffy only hoped Willow had better taste than Anya. That thought brought her back to Xander, of her fixing his tie.

Why was she suddenly obsessing over him? She didn’t feel that way about him and he’d gotten over his crush on her. Hadn’t he? She thought of the months after Willow’s journey into evil. Xander had been over every day, helping with Dawn. It had almost been family like. She pushed those thoughts away and started to make arrangements for the wedding. But when she went to sleep that night, she dreamt of brown eyes and a goofy grin.

Alexander Lavelle Harris, you will tell Buffy how you feel or so help me God….Look, I know we didn’t part on the best of terms, but listen to me one last time. I know you loved Buffy even when you were with me. Anya, who says hi by the way, knew it too. We both want you to be happy, you deserve it. Look I gotta go, Anya is pestering Wesley again. Be happy Xander, or else I’ll have to haunt you.

Xander ran his finger over the name carved into the simple stone marker. He’d dreamed of her on the plane. Given what Angel had told him about Cordy’s contribution to the fight, he wasn’t surprised she’d ended up in Heaven. He was interested to know that Anya was there, both of them giving the PTBs hell. He placed the bouquet of wildflowers on the ground.

“Thanks, Cordy. I’m going to London now, wish me luck. Hopefully you won’t have to haunt me.”

Placing a quick kiss on the marker, he stood up. Walking to the car, a plan started forming. He was determined to tell Buffy, no matter the consequences. Now all he had to do was go through with it.

Buffy, why are you deluding yourself? Xander is the perfect man for you. Oh, I know you think he still loves me and he does. Just not in the way he loves you. Cordelia say I’m supposed to give you my blessing. Go, be with Xander, have lots of orgasms. He’s really good at that. What? I can’t say that? Fine. Wesley says you should be happy. So go be happy with Xander. I have to go now; apparently I’ve broken some rule or something. Honestly, being dead is almost as bad as being human.

Xander was more than a friend to her. She cared for him, had feelings for him, but did she love him? She might, she could, it would be so easy to give him her heart. She could almost hear Anya’s voice in her head; Cordy’s too, telling her to go for it.

“Okay, fine, leave me alone. I’ll tell him…something. Geesh.”

She closed the closet door; she had a rehearsal dinner to go to. As she left her apartment-it was generous of Giles to have bought her, Willow and Xander their own places-she made plans, started rehearsing what she might say. But Xander would have to show up for them to work.

He slipped into the last row, the ceremony already well underway. Xander had almost not come, but the thought of Willow being mad at him combined with the possibility of Cordelia haunting him had changed his mind. He didn’t remember the Council’s assembly hall being this big. Then he felt the tingle of magic, it was a spell to accommodate all the guests. He could see Willow and Oz, all smiles and happiness. Willow was just glowing and Oz, he was mellow and sporting red hair again. There was Buffy, standing next to Will. Giles was standing next to Oz. This was obviously some kind of Wicca inspired ceremony because the woman officiating invoked the Goddess and mother Earth before turning to Oz for his vows.

“I, Daniel, promise to love and cherish you, Willow, for all of my days…..”

Xander was surprised at how clear Oz’s voice was. And how unwolfy he was given that this was the night of the full moon. Tibet had been good for Oz. This was the most he’d ever heard the werewolf say in one go. All of his days, that’s how long he’d loved Buffy, how long he would love her. A lifetime had seemed scary when he’d been with Anya, but not so much when he thought about it with Buffy.

“I promise to be the father of your children and raise a family with you….”

Xander had a sudden image of Buffy heavily pregnant, with a couple of other kids. She would be the best mom. The possibility of him being the father to them thrilled him. A family of his own, with Buffy; he really liked the idea. Oz had finished and it was Willow’s turn.

“I, Willow, promise to love and cherish you, Daniel, for all of my days…..”

Forever, something Buffy had never thought she could have. Now, thanks to Willow’s spell she could have it. Well she could have the rest of her natural life at least. She wondered if Xander was there. She tried to look out into the crowd, but there were so many people. Did Will and Oz actually know everyone here? There were Council members, Watchers, Slayers, witches, demons, two ex-vampires and a god king. She wanted to talk to Xander, see what his thoughts on forever were.

“I promise to be the mother of your children and raise a family with you….”

That was another thing she could have now, kids. Buffy shot a quick smile to Faith and Robin and their small brood. At least they now knew Slayers could have kids. Xander would be the best dad. The thought of him as the father of her children sent a small thrill down her spine. Willow had finished her vows, it was almost over.

“Daniel and Willow have pledged themselves to one another in front of the Goddess and this assembled company. If any being objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

An eerie silence fell over the room.

“Then it is my pleasure to declare that they are husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Applause rang out as the couple kissed. The guests all stood and started moving. Xander left quickly, heading for the reception hall before Buffy saw him. He wanted to surprise her. Buffy hugged Willow, scanning the crowd for Xander. She couldn’t see him, he hadn’t come. Hiding her disappointment, she got ready for photos. She could sulk at the reception.

Buffy sat alone at a table, nursing a soda and watching as couples danced, friends laughed and fun was had by all but her. All the planning and rehearsing what she would say for nothing. Xander wasn’t there. She sighed as the DJ spun a familiar tune, another love song.

Xander approached her slowly. Buffy hadn’t changed a bit. A little more weight, a few more lines, but she was still the golden girl, no, woman, he’d dreamt of for so many years. When he stopped by her side, she looked up, surprise lighting her eyes.

“Xander!”

“Dance with me, Buff? For old times sake?”

He held out his hand, praying to whoever would hear him that he wouldn’t lose his courage now.

Last chance for one last dance

‘Cause with you I’d withstand

All of hell to hold your hand

She took it and he pulled her onto the dance floor. Making their way through all the other couples, the music surrounding them, Buffy was more than glad she’d decided to come. He closed his eyes as she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. Holding her, feeling her in his embrace, he knew that he’d never have a chance like this again. He’d wasted so much time dreaming, wanting, and never willing to sacrifice his friendship with her. But he’d lost too much, suffered so badly, what could it hurt?

I love you

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

Been away for far too long

“Buffy?”

“Hmm, what, Xander?”

I keep dreaming you’ll be with me

Stop breathing if

I don’t see you anymore

“I love you, Buffy. More than just a friend. I always have, always will. I’ve always been too scared to let go of our friendship to say anything. But these last few years…I just can’t *not* tell you. If you can’t feel that way about me, I’ll understand. I’ll just walk away and never bother you again.”

So far away

Been far away for far too long

So far away

Been far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know

Buffy pulled away, stunned, speechless. Everything she’d been thinking, feeling, churned inside. She wanted to say something, needed to say anything, but her brain wasn’t working.

“Xand, I….”

His face fell and his heart broke. She didn’t. How could she? He would always just be her friend.

“Its okay, Buff. I’ll just go now, its better this way.”

I wanted you to say

‘Cause I needed

I need to hear you say

He unhooked her arms, kissed her on the cheek and walked out with all the dignity he could muster. He would go to Giles, ask to be sent away, far away.

She was left standing there, confused. The other dancers around her were chatting softly, wondering what had happened. She put her hand to her cheek. He thought…..Her brain finally kicked into gear and she started running after him.

“Xander, wait!”

He heard her voice as he reached the parking lot, the cold, hard rain pouring down, soaking him to the bone. He turned to see her in the doorway, looking at him.

That I love you

I have loved you all along

“Xander, wait…” she said again before stepping out into the downpour with him.

“I don’t need your pity, Buffy. Just let me leave with some dignity intact, okay?”

He started to leave again but she reached out and put a hand on his arm.

“Wait, Xander, please?”

It was the please that got him, so he turned around.

And I forgive you

For being away for far too long

She moved closer, his head was down, a dejected look in his eye. His hair was plastered to his face, rivulets of water flowing down his cheeks like tears. She raised a wet hand to push away the strands, softly stroking his cheeks.

“Oh, Xander….”

She took his face in her hands and going on tip toe, kissed him.

So keep breathing

‘Cause I’m not leaving

His eye got wide at the feel of her lips on his. Before he could hold onto her, she stopped. He was sure this was another dream. Xander Harris would not be standing in the rain, with Buffy Summers kissing him. He blinked and she was still there.

“Buffy?”

“I love you too, Xand.”

While one part of his brain tried to process that, the other part made him pull her closer and lean down to kiss her again. When she responded, he knew this wasn’t a dream anymore. Her arms snaked around his neck, molding her to his body. He held her there, never intending to let her go. They fit, he knew they would.

Hold onto me and

Never let me go.

They kept kissing, oblivious to the cold and the rain until a crack of thunder broke them apart.

“Um, my place?” Xander suggested.

“Yes, please,” Buffy replied.

Sun streamed in through the window as Xander came slowly awake. There was a small murmur of protest from beside him as he started to move. He stilled and relaxed again as everything came back to him.

Buffy, dancing, kissing in the rain. They’d come back to his Council owned apartment. More kissing, whispered words and the fulfillment of all his fantasies. He turned to find her watching him, green eyes filled with love.

“Morning.”

“Morning,” she smiled.

“Buffy, I….”

She silenced him with a kiss.

“Its okay, Xand.”

“No, it’s not. I wanted to do this right. I wanted to give you flowers and candles and romantic music.”

“I can have that next time.”

“Next time?”

“Yeah, I kinda thought we could have a lot of them what with you loving me and me loving you. Maybe a lifetime of them?”

“I like the way you think,” he grinned, pulling her close. “Could we start now?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”