Man of Action

John/Rodney

FRM

Spoilers: Through Sunday

Summary: John was never one for words.

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, no infringement, no profit, just for fun.

Distribution: my LJ, my site, anywhere else, just ask.

Author’s note: for Fiareynne who gave me the prompt: Five ways John tells Rodney how he feels without telling him how he feels. It’s more showing than telling, but I think it works. Unbetaed, so all mistakes are mine.

Words have never really been John Sheppard’s strong suit. It’s not just typical male reluctance either. He vaguely remembers a time when he shared his emotions freely. But then his mother died and that avenue of expression was closed off to him. He had his father to thank for that. So he resorted to showing how he felt in other ways.

When John first met Rodney McKay he was sure they would clash. He was never happier to be proven wrong and it surprised him how quickly they bonded. In a few short weeks it was as if they’d known each other forever.

The first time John could concretely say was a time he showed how he felt was with the personal shield Rodney had found.

“Shoot me,” Rodney said as he ran into John’s office.

“What?” John looked up from his paperwork. “Are you crazy?”

“Oh, come on, just do it. If I’m right, I’ll be fine. Just…shoot me.”

Rodney stood there, cocky smile on his face, so John shrugged. He stood and pulled out his nine mil, aiming for Rodney’s leg before pulling the trigger. The bullet ricocheted off…something. They both ducked as it whizzed past them and into the wall.

“That was….”

“Cool,” John grinned.

“Care to try something else?”

It was the spark of glee and mischief that had John nodding in agreement. And if pushing Rodney off a balcony didn’t show how he felt, what did?

The second thing that John could point to was a little more mundane and happened frequently.

“Colonel Sheppard, could you come to the labs?”

“What now, McKay?”

“Just come down here, please.”

John would go and end up being a switch for turning Ancient devices on and off. He could have told Rodney there were other people like Beckett or Lorne who could do what he was doing. But he never did. Going to the labs meant he got to spend time with Rodney and John was all for that.

The third way happened just as frequently as the second though John wished it didn’t. Off world, saving Rodney’s ass. Granted, it was a great ass and Rodney saved his just as often, but it was something John could do with less of. Though if Rodney was to be believed, SG-1 saved each other on a weekly basis. John would have to check those mission reports for himself. Rodney got the team in trouble more often than that and John wasn’t sure he could handle the stress.

If John could wish for anything in the universe, it would be that the fourth way had never happened. It was a look across a flag draped coffin. A look that seemed to slow time, lasting an eternity. Concern meeting grief over the white and blue of Scotland. Then Rodney turned away and John braced himself for the task at hand. Everyone lifted and carried their friend through the Stargate, to home.

The fifth way came shortly after that. A day after the funeral Rodney had retreated to his room at the hotel. Beckett relatives were everywhere and the memories were too hard for Rodney to handle, John understood. He went to see how Rodney was doing, knocking on the door gently.

“Rodney? Open up, it’s me, buddy.”

The door swung open, Rodney gesturing for John to come in. He could see that Rodney had been crying, his eyes red and puffy. There were so many things John wanted to say but as usual, words failed him. Instead he pulled Rodney into a hug. It was impulsive and he hoped that his friend would see the gesture for what it was, comfort.

Rodney was stiff at first, but John held on and he relaxed. He buried his face in John’s neck, his body trembling. John steered them to the bed, never breaking the hug. They sat there, holding each other, Rodney letting his grief out. John just rubbed Rodney’s back until he calmed.

When Rodney lifted his head, John pulled back. At first he thought Rodney was going to say something. But instead a look of clarity passed across Rodney’s face, similar to the one he had when he figured something out. Then Rodney was kissing him and he was kissing back. Desperate and needy, Rodney clung to John.

John always considered himself a man of action, so he acted, slowing things down. He undressed Rodney slowly, revealing pale flesh slowly. He touched him tenderly, reverently, mapping skin with callused hands. He instilled every movement with love, showing Rodney what he couldn’t say. Rodney supplied the words; “Yes”, “More”, “Please”, and a ragged “John” when he came.

Afterwards, Rodney sprawled across the bed, John wrapped around him, hoping that he would have years more to show Rodney how he felt.