Strange Duty

Puppet!Hammond/Buffy (sort of)

Summary: Crackfic written for gileswench's comic crackfic challenge. BtVS/Stargate crossover.

Distribution: I don't even want this.

Disclaimer: So not mine. No infringement intended, no profit being made.

Author's Note: So I caved because gileswenchkept pestering me to do this. And I seem to always cave to her demands. If you want to know how Hammond knows Angel, go here.

“And you are?” Giles asked, trying not to laugh.

“General George Hammond United States Air Force.”

The reply came with a clatter of wood at the man…puppet…thing saluted.

“How exactly does the Air Force know where we are?” Xander asked. “Last time I checked we weren’t exactly invited to the White House for a ticker tape parade.”

“I’m here because a mutual acquaintance of ours called me in, son. My assignment for the military isn’t exactly public knowledge, your secret’s safe with me.”

“Mutual acquaintance?” Giles queried.

“Yes, sir. A Mr. Angel called me and told me you might need some help. Don’t know why he thought I was the man for the job, but I owe him a favor, so here I am.”

Everyone glanced at everyone else wondering how on earth Angel knew an Air Force General, but it didn’t matter.

“If you would follow me please,” Giles said.

He led Hammond through long and winding corridors. It reminded the General of the SGC in a way. Finally they came to be what looked like an infirmary. There was only one occupant. A girl, barely older than his oldest granddaughter. She looked unharmed.

“What exactly is it I’m supposed to do to help?” Hammond asked.

“Buffy has been put under a spell. Only a, um, kiss from her, er, true love can wake her.”

“And you think I’m her true love?”

“Well, no, but everyone has kissed her and we’re growing desperate.”

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do, son.”

Hammond walked over and stood besides the bed. She was very beautiful even if she was young. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Nothing. He was about to turn and offer his apologies when he heard a sound.

“Giles? Where am I? And what’s with the walking Pinocchio?”

“Buffy, it’s a long story, but it’s good to have you back. Thank you General.”

“My pleasure, son. If you ever need anything, Mr. Angel has my number.”

Giles nodded and Hammond walked out. Weird people, but nice enough.