What The...?
Jack/Daniel
FRM (for puppet nudity)
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, if I did, there would be no cancellation and a lot more slashy text.
Spoilers: Stargate SG-1: 200
Summary: Crack, crack and more crack.
Author's Note: For fiareynne because she asked so nicely while betaing the other puppetslash. Also, I've avoided writing J/D so far because they have such distinctive voices and I was afraid of messing up. I've tried my best here. Also unbetaed, so any and all mistakes are my own.
They were sitting on the little dock, poles in the water, insects buzzing happily. Jack had insisted that Daniel take a break from searching for Merlin’s weapon. Daniel had refused at first, but when General Landry had refused to let him through the gate until he’d taken some time off, he’d relented. So here he was, at Jack’s house, fishing, with no bites on his line.
“Didn’t there used to be fish in there?”
“Yep.”
“Where’d they all go?”
“Caught ‘em all. Ate ‘em.”
“Jaaaack.”
“I rounded them up and sent them to a fish farm. It didn’t seem right having them here.”
“Oh.”
Jack reeled in his line, cast again. How he managed not to get the line tangled in his strings Daniel never knew. Jack had had to untangle him the first time he’d cast off. Daniel shivered, remembering the touch of those wooden hands. He’d always felt this …connection with Jack. He’d missed it these last two years.
“Jack?”
“Yes, Daniel?”
“I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, Daniel.”
They were silent again.
“Jack?”
“Daniel, whatever is bugging you, just spit it out.”
“I think I’m in love with you.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? I tell you my biggest secret and all I get is oh?!?!”
“It’s not like it’s a surprise Danny boy.”
“It’s not?”
“No. I’ve seen the way you look at me. I’ve heard all the talk and gossip.”
“I’m sorry, Jack.”
“I’m not. You know why? Because I think I love you too, Daniel.”
“Oh.”
There was another beat of silence.
“So should we kiss or something?” Daniel asked.
“Daniel?”
“Yes, Jack?”
“Shut up,” he said as he got out of his chair.
He leaned over Daniel, going in for a kiss. Their heads bonked together, eliciting yelps of pain from both of them.
“Ouch.”
“Shall we try that again?” Jack asked.
“Yes, please?”
It was slow and sweet. Daniel pulled Jack closer, wanting to feel him. Jack tumbled onto Daniel’s lap in a clatter of limbs.
“Oops, sorry, Jack.”
“It’s okay. Why don’t we take this inside?”
Daniel just nodded. They put away all the fishing gear and headed inside. Once there, there was more kissing. Soon things turned passionate and Daniel was groping at Jack’s clothes. Jack broke off a kiss to look at him.
“Bedroom, now.”
“Yes, sir.”
The rush to get there was awkward as they stumbled over each other fighting with clothes and strings. When they finally got to the bed, they were both naked. Hands stroked and moved down bodies to encounter…nothing.
They pulled apart and looked at each other in horror. No dicks, no balls and when Jack turned around Daniel noticed no assholes either. What the hell was this? They sat on the bed, confused and angry.
“What’s going on?” Jack asked.
“I have no idea?”
“How can this be? I heard about
“Where’d you hear about that?”
“I have my sources. You?”
“Same here. But I did hear a rumor….”
“Yeah?”
“Sex charm.”
“What?!?”
“The thing SG-12 brought back from P3x1127? Sex charm, makes people have sex.”
“Magic?”
“You don’t believe?”
“Ya think?”
“Oh, c’mon Jack…after all the places we’ve been and all the things we’ve seen and done, you’re telling me you don’t believe in magic?”
“Nope. If you and Carter can’t explain it in some techno babble I don’t get, it can’t be real.”
“Oh. Well then I guess you don’t want to know about the ones we have in storage.”
“Huh?”
“I saw the thing; we’ve got several more similar to it in storage. They were found here on Earth.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Race you to the car.”